


dripping eyes and flooded lungs

by PeachyYoonmin



Category: Panic! at the Disco, The Academy Is...
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-04 02:24:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2905766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeachyYoonmin/pseuds/PeachyYoonmin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan just wants his boyfriend to be happy again</p>
            </blockquote>





	dripping eyes and flooded lungs

**Author's Note:**

> title from the song 'Northern Downpour'  
> dont own any of the characters  
> this never happened

By 3 in the morning, Brendon was pissed out of his mind. Blood splayed across his pale wrist, stinking of alcohol and remembering crying himself to sleep...how long has he been here?  
~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Ryan...why didn't you tell me about this" Brendon choked out, fists clenched tightly by his sides.

"I didn't want to disappoint you Bren" Ryan lifted his arms up to touch Brendon's shoulder, but Brendon backed away quickly, tears streaming down his cheeks. 

"Brendon?" Ryan looks at Brendon like a lost puppy, eyes big and glistening. On normal days, Brendon would see his eyes and they would be cuddling on the sofa for hours watching movies and eating ice cream by now, this wasn't the case tonight. Brendon stares down at the bandages on Ryan's thin wrists, anger and guilt rushing through him at the same time.

"Don't fucking touch me. You said you stopped ages ago! How could you lie to me Ryan?" Before Brendon knows what's going on, a wave of pure anger hit him and it was too late. As he blinked the current tears from his eyes, he looked down to see the mess he'd created. Ryan was laying down quivering and shaking, the blood on his wrists pouring out once again onto the bathroom floor and a huge red mark on his cheek. Boy did Brendon fuck up this time.

Ryan stilled for a second, shock plastered across his face and then he felt his head pound for a second before dropping to the floor completely. As Brendon backed away towards the bathroom door, he took one last look at his passed out, beaten boyfriend before running out the door and onto the street. It was dark but when he looked at his phone, it was only 7 at night.

"fuck." Brendon whispered. "FUCK." He kicked the wall outside his house and walked down the road towards the bar. After spending a few minutes rummaging around in his pocket, he found $50, a lighter but no cigarettes, a screwed up bit of paper and- Brendon stopped walking for a second. He looked carefully at the little box he found hidden in his pocket, he didn't put it there, but he knows where it came from. Ryan. He shakily opened the box and saw something he wasn't expecting, he quickly moved to the side of the street and inspected the tiny object in his fingers. It glistened in the moonlight, the tiny trapezium he saw Ryan with a few days ago. He didn't know what it was until it pricked his finger and a tiny stream of blood began to run quickly down. It was Ryan's blade. Brendon felt like his head was spinning. His fingers began to shake and his legs finally bucked under him, dropping to the ground on his knees and clutching his stomach. He was as pale as a ghost and the realisation finally hit him, causing him to throw up on the side of the trash can.

"What the fuck?" He stood up and leant against the side of the building next to him, finally getting up again and making his way to the bar.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The room was too bright when Ryan woke up, he decided to slide up against the sink so he could get up without falling over or passing out again. He eventually made it up 5 minutes later and nearly slipped twice. Ryan nearly passed out again when he remembered what happened and when he looked at his reflection in the mirror he put two and two together. What he saw wasn't...him, he was pale, covered in blood, bandages ripped off his arms, jeans torn and hair messy. He stood there for a few seconds before getting his phone out of his jean pocket and dialling the first number he could think of. Just to make sure he wasn't going to get hit again for telling someone, he bolted the door and put a towel against the bottom.

"Hello?" Ryan sobbed into the phone.

"Ryan? Ryan what's wrong are you okay man?! You sound terrible what's going on?"

"It's Brendon. He hit me Spencer and he shouted at me and I was so scared I passed out" He gripped the phone tighter on each word, not caring if his phone broke. Another tear ran down his face before another and another until he was fully crying again"

"Shit! Did he forget to take his medication?!" Ryan froze, his entire body stiffening. Silence.

"Ryan?" Again, silence.

"What medication? Spence what the fuck is going on?" Spencer took a deep breath.

"Ryan...has Brendon been acting strange lately, more hyper and very...like he wants to suck someone off every time he fucking breathes?" Ryan chuckled, then thought for a minute, he has been a little more hyper than usual lately and he's been blowing Ryan every time he can like he has to.

"Yeah, he has. What's that got to do with anything?" He moved to sit on the side of the bath.

"Brendon...Ryan, Brendon has been sick for a while. He's been seeing various doctors and well, he has Bi-Polar disorder meaning he needs to take meds when he's low or he'll fucking....I don't even know what he'll do! But you need to make sure he's okay and safe, call me later, but for now text me okay?"

"Okay" The phone goes dead and the familiar bleep rings through until he presses the little red phone and it cuts off. He takes the towel from the door, unbolts it and goes to his room to talk to Brendon.

"Shit."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brendon slaps another dollar on the table.

"One more" 

"That's enough, you're way too drunk to even piss straight" The tall man next to him said. He had long flowing hair, brown and wavy and just perfect. He was like a vision.

"No I'm not I'm fine and I don't even know you, who are you?" Brendon can just about make out the man's face and tell he's smiling.

"The name's Will, some people people call me Will, William, Bill, Becky or Billy, but if you call me Billy I'll kill you" He chuckles slightly at his own joke, Brendon likes this guy.

"How do you have so many names?" He pushes his glass away from him just as William stands up to leave, slipping on his jacket.

"Haha, I honestly have no idea, well I do. William is my first name which can also be taken as Bill and then Becky is sorta short for Beckett, my last name. Anyways enough about me, how are you getting home?" Brendon doesn't know, He can't even stand up.

"I walked here so I was gonna walk back" 

"Its 10pm. There's no way in hell I'm letting you walk home late at night, in the dark, drunk. I'll drive you" And with that, Brendon is being escorted home by this total stranger and he doesn't even care. He's hot.

"So why where you getting so pissed back there? There has to be some reason"

"I lashed out on my boyfriend. He used to have a self harm problem and told me he stopped...but he didn't. I felt so betrayed that I...I hit him and so I ran away. I didn't have the guts to tell him why I was so angry and now I feel so stupid."

"Hey, you aren't stupid. You just made a mistake and it can be fixed. Why were you so mad at him?" Brendon looked down.

"I recently got diagnosed with bi-polar and forgot to take my meds"

William looked at Brendon for a while, shock, pain and hurt reflecting in his eyes. He thought he was going to kick him out his car and think he was a creep but instead was shocked to find his and William's lips connected. Brendon melted into the kiss quickly and began to run his hands up William's sides, slowly separating after a little while. 

"That was my little good luck from me to you. Never forget to take your meds and go get your boyfriend back" His face displayed a sad smile that Brendon could just about see in the moon lit car. He waved goodbye and that was it, he heard the car drive away and made his way to the door  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was 9pm and Brendon still wasn't back, Ryan began to worry. He paced up and down the room for 10 minutes. After 20 minutes of unsuccessful waiting, Ryan felt tired and his eyes were red from all the crying. He curled up on his bed and got his phone out.

No sign of B, feeling sick.

He'll show up, don't worry and let me know when he gets back. Sleep.

Okay I will, Night Spence.

Night Ry

Ryan's eyes fell shut and he was already asleep. He was so tired that he didn't even hear Brendon stumble in the door. He'd thrown up so much that he was sure he had nothing else to throw up so he knew he was safe. Brendon made his way to the bathroom and shut the door behind him so Ryan wouldn't find him. He'd fucked up so much that he deserved to be hurt himself. He got the blade from the small box in his pocket and as soon as the cold metal touched his skin, dragged the blade across his skin drawing small beads of blood and getting deeper each time.

By 3 in the morning, Brendon was pissed out of his mind. Blood splayed across his pale wrist, stinking of alcohol and remembering crying himself to sleep...how long has he been here? He stood up feeling like he was going to throw up, but he didn't. He walked to his room and got into bed next to Ryan

"Brendon?" Ryan whispered, almost excited but half asleep.

"Shh, yes it's me, but come on its been a long day, lets get to sleep" Brendon stroked Ryans cheek before wrapping his arm around his waist.

"But you've been gone all night, are you okay?" Brendon smiles and pulls Ryan in closer.

"We'll talk in the morning Okay? Night Ry" 

"Night B" And with that they fall asleep, safe, sound and happy once again.


End file.
